How Does Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Help Improve Relationships?

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an attachment-based approach to therapy that focuses on improving emotional connection and fostering secure relationships. Originally developed in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg, EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of secure bonds in our emotional well-being. When we feel insecure in our relationships, this leads to protective strategies to manage the pain of disconnection and the fear of abandonment or loss of self. This evidence-based model is particularly effective for couples but can also be adapted for individuals and families.

The Core Principles of EFT

EFT is based on the understanding that emotional connection is a fundamental human need. Gabor Maté says, "People have two basic needs: attachment and authenticity. When authenticity threatens attachment, attachment trumps authenticity." When these bonds feel threatened or insecure, people may react in ways that create cycles of conflict or withdrawal. What appears to be the issue on the surface is often not the true issue. It's never really about the dishes, for example. It's about whether we feel seen, respected, supported, appreciated, or other unmet needs. To handle the pain of unmet needs, we may shrink or suppress these needs or parts of ourselves or react from protective stances (e.g., criticizing). EFT works to uncover and address these underlying patterns, helping individuals and couples move from disconnection and conflict to connection and authenticity.

Key Elements of EFT:

• Attachment Theory: EFT views relationships through the lens of attachment, emphasizing the importance of feeling emotionally safe and connected. When our relationships are secure, we have a "safe haven" to come home to and weather the challenges of life, as well as a "secure base" to launch from, allowing us to feel safer in taking risks in the world.

• Emotional Accessibility: EFT helps individuals and couples identify and express their emotional needs and vulnerabilities. Sue Johnson talks about the need for "ARE" or "accessible, responsive, and engaged" interactions. The more that one knows they can reach for their partner or loved one and that person will be "accessible, responsive, and engaged," the more we can relax out of protective stances and reach for connection from a place of vulnerability.

• Pattern Recognition: The therapy focuses on identifying negative cycles of interaction and reframing them to create more constructive and loving exchanges. When we are in conflict with a loved one, they can often feel like "the enemy" when in reality, it is the cycle of disconnection that is the enemy of secure attachment.

• Strengthening Bonds: EFT encourages partners or family members to develop a deeper emotional bond and create secure, lasting connections. When we know that we do not have to choose between authenticity or attachment, we can respond from our truest, most fully expressed selves.

  
  

How Does EFT Work?

EFT typically unfolds in three stages:

1. De-escalation:

The therapist helps identify the negative cycles that are driving conflict or disconnection. By understanding these patterns, individuals and couples can begin to see each other’s behaviors in a new light—often as protective or reactive responses to feelings of vulnerability or disconnection.

2. Restructuring Interaction:

Once the negative cycles are de-escalated, the therapist supports individuals or partners in expressing their deeper emotional needs and fears. This helps create moments of emotional engagement, where people feel heard, understood, and supported.

3. Consolidation:

In the final stage, the therapist helps clients solidify their new patterns of interaction and connection, empowering them to continue building a secure and loving relationship outside of therapy.

Why Choose EFT?

EFT is highly effective for addressing a range of challenges, including:

• Couples Therapy: EFT is particularly well-known for helping couples navigate conflict, improve communication, and rebuild trust after events like infidelity or prolonged disconnection.

• Individual Therapy: EFT can help individuals understand their emotional patterns and improve their relationships by fostering greater self-awareness and self-compassion. In the presence of a safe, accepting other (like a therapist), individuals can build greater understanding of how they protect themselves and why, as well as what their unmet needs are in relationships.

• Family Therapy: EFT supports families in addressing conflict, healing wounds, and creating stronger bonds. The cycles of protection and disconnection in a family may be between two people or involve many family members.

  
  

The Evidence Behind EFT

EFT has been extensively researched and is one of the most empirically validated approaches to therapy. Studies show that:

• 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery after completing EFT.

• 90% of couples report significant improvements in their relationships. *

The effectiveness of EFT is attributed to its focus on fostering emotional safety and connection, which are foundational to lasting change.

The Power of Emotional Connection

At its core, EFT helps people recognize that conflict, withdrawal, or distance in relationships often stems from a fear of losing connection. By fostering emotional safety, EFT creates space for deeper intimacy, understanding, and trust. This process not only heals relationships but also strengthens individual resilience and well-being.

Getting Started with EFT

If you’re curious about exploring Emotionally Focused Therapy, here are some steps to consider:

• Work with an EFT-trained therapist: Look for a certified EFT therapist who can guide you through the process.

• Read more about EFT: Dr. Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love offers an accessible introduction to the principles of EFT.

• Reflect on your emotional patterns: Take time to consider how you respond to emotional disconnection and how you can express your needs more openly.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a transformative approach that helps individuals, couples, and families reconnect, heal, and thrive. If you’re ready to strengthen your emotional bonds and foster deeper connection, consider reaching out to an EFT-trained therapist today.

*The statistics indicating that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery after completing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and that 90% of couples report significant improvements in their relationships, are supported by extensive research. A systematic review titled "Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: A Systematic Review of Its Effectiveness over the past 19 Years" provides evidence of EFT's efficacy in enhancing marital satisfaction and maintaining improvements post-treatment.

Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen

Additionally, the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) highlights that EFT is effective across diverse populations and issues, with lasting results.

Ice EFT

These findings underscore EFT's focus on fostering emotional safety and connection, which are foundational to lasting change in relationships.