Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Explained

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to therapy that builds off the idea that the mind is naturally made up of different parts, each with its own perspectives, feelings, and motivations. This makes intuitive sense. For example, we may have a part of ourselves that wants to navigate a situation by people pleasing, while another part judges us for not setting more boundaries. At the heart of IFS is the belief that we all have a core Self that is compassionate, curious, and capable of healing the wounded parts within us. One’s Self remains undamaged regardless of the amount of trauma they have experienced. However, when someone has had to live in a protective stance much or most of their life, they may struggle to connect with this Self.

I love the analogy I heard in my Level 1 training: the Self is like the sun, while parts are like clouds. You may not be able to see the sun, but it is always there. So too is the Self.

The Basics of IFS

IFS views the mind as an internal family system made up of three main types of parts:

Exiles: These parts hold our pain, fear, shame, or other difficult emotions that we may have experienced in the past. They often feel vulnerable and are typically hidden or "exiled" to protect us from overwhelming feelings. These parts are often formed in childhood and/or from traumatic experiences.

Managers: These parts work to keep us in control and prevent us from experiencing the pain of our exiles. They may take the form of perfectionism, people-pleasing, or overworking, among other strategies. Managers also try to prevent us from encountering painful situations in the future.

Firefighters: These parts act in crisis or in times of overwhelming emotions (especially shame), stepping in to numb or distract us when exiles' emotions surface. Their strategies can include behaviors like substance use, codependency, binge-watching TV, doom-scrolling, or other numbing behaviors.

At the center of these parts is the Self, which is our truest, highest self—calm, confident, compassionate, and curious. In IFS, the goal is to live more from this highest Self and to create greater harmony and healing within and between these protective and burdened parts.

How Does IFS Work?

IFS therapy involves getting to know your inner parts and understanding their roles and concerns. The process typically includes the following steps:

Identifying the Parts: With the help of a therapist, you learn to recognize and identify the different parts of your internal system.

Building Relationships: Through curiosity and compassion, you begin to build relationships with your parts, understanding their roles and the burdens they carry.

Unburdening: Once parts feel safe and heard, they can release the burdens of pain, shame, or other difficult emotions they've been carrying.

Integration: With the burdens released, parts can take on healthier roles, and the Self can step into a leadership role, bringing balance and harmony to the internal system.

Why Choose IFS?

IFS can be helpful for a wide range of challenges, including:

• Trauma and PTSD

• Anxiety and depression

• Relationship difficulties

• Disordered eating

• Addiction recovery

• Internalized discrimination (e.g., fatphobia, transphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism, etc.)

By focusing on the internal dynamics that drive our behaviors and emotions, IFS offers deep and lasting healing. Instead of trying to suppress or "fix" parts of ourselves, IFS teaches us to embrace and work with them, fostering a sense of wholeness and self-compassion.

The Power of Self-Compassion

One of the most profound aspects of IFS is its emphasis on self-compassion. When we connect with our Self, we can approach our inner struggles with kindness rather than judgment. This shift in perspective not only helps us heal but also improves our relationships and overall well-being.

Getting Started with IFS

Whether you're curious about exploring IFS in therapy or simply want to learn more about your internal world, there are many ways to begin:

• Work with a trained IFS therapist.

• Read Dr. Richard Schwartz's book Internal Family Systems Therapy or his more accessible introduction, No Bad Parts.

• Practice self-reflection and mindfulness to start noticing your parts and how they show up in your life.

IFS offers a unique and empowering approach to healing that reminds us: all parts of us are welcome, and with the guidance of our Self, we can create harmony within. If you’re ready to explore IFS further, consider reaching out to me or another therapist who specializes in this compassionate and transformative model.

If you would like to hear me talk about IFS, here is a YouTube episode of Many Minds (a YouTube channel I have with Dr. Yamilka Urquiza) where I discuss these concepts.